Where Your Mind Takes You
Curtain.
The
applause thundered around her, and CJ jerked in her seat, looking
around.
Her disbelieving gaze met Leo’s concerned one.
“Are
you OK?”
“I’m…”
She looked around again. She was in the theater, not sitting on a bench in the
cold
Simon?
“You’ve
been crying…you seemed so far away.” They had to stand for the
ovation,
and then Leo took her hand and guided her to a quite place in the lobby.
“These
past few weeks couldn’t have been easy for you. It must be a relief to hear
it’s all over.”
Stunned,
she looked around again. “I think I’ve been more affected than I realized. Was
I in my seat the whole time?”
He
smiled slightly. “In body, but not in mind. I always lose myself in
thought
when I watch long plays. It’s amazing where your mind takes you.”
“Thank
you.” She saw Ron Butterfield at the far corner of the lobby. “Excuse me for a
minute, Leo.”
“Where
your mind takes you…” She had a waking nightmare. Letting her mind wander
during the play, she apparently called forth all of her anxieties and confusion
from these past few weeks and tangled them into this horror scene at the
convenience store. She saw Simon’s lifeless body on the ground…A senseless,
unpredictable death that could have been her fate. Her fear of dying at the
hands of her stalker mingled with her fear of losing this love she had just
found. Was this really just a...what? She supposed if she were sleeping she
would call this episode a nightmare. But she was awake, her body in the
theater, her mind creating this… “daymare”?
CJ
walked over to Ron. He greeted her with a nod. He looked as he always did, the
man in charge. Not the man who just lost an agent in a robbery.
“Miss
Cregg.”
A deep
breath. She needed to take a deep breath before the question could be
vocalized. “Ron, have you heard from Simon at all?”
“Sure,
he checked in from the field office, grumbling about wasting a good tux in a
cubicle with a pile of paperwork. Then he came back here and offered himself as
an extra hand. I told him to take the evening off but he was restless. He’s one
of my best guys, so I decided not to pass up his offer of help.”
Laughter
rose in her, like the silly girl on Prom Night Simon had accused her of being.
What *was* he talking about, anyhow? She should ask him. She could ask him now.
“Thank
you, Ron.”
“Sure
thing. And when you see him, tell him he doesn’t have to check in
before
taking you wherever it is he has in mind. I just expect him back at work
tomorrow.”
CJ
stared at Ron’s tight smile. She thought of a dozen possible responses, but
none crossed her lips. Ron’s grin broadened and softened. “Well, I never
thought I could render the Press Secretary speechless.”
She
walked back to Leo. “You got some color back in your cheeks again,
kiddo.
Feeling better?”
“Oh
Yes!” Her eyes sparkled and Leo smiled in return. “I’m fine now!”
Leo
jerked his head towards the exit. “Why don’t you go find Agent Donovan? I’ll
make your excuses to the Boss.”
“I
thought I was being discreet!”
“Well.
I’m a nosy bastard. And I like you. I make it my business to know. So does Ron
over there.”
CJ
refused to consider who else might have been talking about her and Simon. She
leaned forward and kissed Leo on the cheek. Than she ran outside.
“You
would come out with no proper clothing, wouldn’t you?”
She
lifted her face to the teasing smile, the eyes that belayed the words with a
tender gaze. He wrapped his tux jacket over her bare shoulders. She let herself
snuggle against his chest, listening to the steady beat of a heart she thought
she’d never hear. Laughter bubbled up again, and she raised her head to meet
his lips.
“OK,
Agent Sunshine. Sweep me off my feet!”
Ch. 2
If CJ were thinking clearly she would
have realized that the site of the
Press
Secretary running out of the theater was bound to attract the press’s
attention. As it were, knowing that Simon was alive and waiting for her
obliterated everything else in her mind, until the flesh bulbs exploded through
her closed eyelids.
She
groaned and broke off their kiss. “I can’t believe...”
“Hey
CJ,” yelled Mark Landry, from the Hartford Courant, “was the Secret Service
protecting or serving just now?”
Simon
swallowed the first ten words that came to his mind, but CJ, the
consummate
professional, put on her best Press Secretary smile.
“The
Service just informed me that my stalker was caught,” she said, and was
rewarded with cheers and clapping. She didn’t kid herself. She knew the
distraction was momentary and they’d get back to The Kiss fairly rapidly.
She
turned to Simon. “Can you get us out of here?”
Simon
nodded and began stirring her towards the security line. Passing by Mandy Lowry
from the New York Times, the journalist called out, “Who is he, CJ?”
Still
reeling from her very lucid waking nightmare, her emotions alternating between
euphoria and terror, CJ blurted out, “you all know Special Agent Donovan.”
Snickers,
and Mark Landry again, “just how special is he, CJ?”
CJ
considered revoking Landry’s press credentials, before the rational part of her
brain took over. Luckily, Mandy Lowry clarified, “The stalker, CJ. Can you tell
us anything about him?”
CJ
shook her head, saying, “I don’t have all the information myself yet. I’ll
brief everyone tomorrow.”
Simon‘s
body language made it clear they were through, and he got CJ away from the
shouted questions. They ran smack into Agent Barbara Layton, who grinned up at
them. “Couldn’t wait, huh, Donovan?”
“You
have a point, Layton?”
“Actually,
I do,” she said. “Eagle asked for half-an-hour alone with the archbishop, so
that gives you two some time. There’s a nice place not to far from here. Cozy,
intimate, good coffee, decent drinks, nice jazz -- perfect for a first date.
Also, my sister owns it.”
“Your
what?” asked Simon, his mind preoccupied by CJ’s demeanor. She looked pale and
badly shaken. Something was up.
“Sister,
Donovan, you know – same parents, two girls?”
“Oh,
yeah, I have one of those. I didn’t know your sister owns a jazz
place.”
“She’s
the black sheep. The rest of us are all military and law enforcement and she
went for romance. Go figure.”
Simon
shook his head in mock disgust. “That’s awful!” CJ punched his arm.
Agent
Layton gave them directions to Jen’s Place, and they walked off. Simon studied
CJ closely.
“You
know, you looked pretty happy to see me when you came flying out that door. Now
you looked as if you’ve lost your best friend. What did I miss, and when did I
miss it?”
CJ
shook her head. “You’re going to think it’s ridiculous.”
They
reached Jen’s Place and Simon turned CJ towards him. Gently cupping her face in
his hands, he said softly, “CJ, whatever it is that’s spoiling this perfect
night for you can’t possibly be ridiculous. Please don’t shut me out when
you’ve finally let me in.”
CJ
looked up at him and nodded. She turned towards the door and he followed her
inside.
They
found a corner table and sat down, appreciating the music (smooth
jazz),
low lights, and general coziness of the place. They ordered some
drinks,
and Simon leaned back, looking at CJ expectantly. “You’re not trying to break
up with me already, are you?”
CJ
smiled and shook her head. “No, you’re stuck with me, Special Agent
Sunshine.
I’m pretty tenacious.”
Simon
cocked his head, waiting for more, and CJ’s smile disappeared. She took a deep
breath and poured it all out. The waking nightmare her mind conjured up during
the play – the convenience store, the guy on the floor, the guy Simon never saw
shooting him. Hearing the news from Ron. “It was so real, Simon. I saw you die.
I heard Ron breaking the news to me, and I felt myself walking through the
streets, crying. I snapped back to reality when the applause started at the end
of the play. But I can’t shake that part of me that’s grieving and, quite
frankly, it freaks me out.”
“Wow.”
Simon was quiet for a while, thinking hard. It disturbed him to think that on
some subconscious level CJ could conceive of him as being so arrogant and
careless. The convenience store scenario was completely out of character for
him, or so he hoped, regardless of how distracted he was by her and their
impending date. He looked up and said softly, “I made a mistake earlier
tonight, when my phone rang. I turned my back to you and walked away, and at
that time I was still your agent. It was a stupid thing to do. I was pretty
sure what the call was about, though. Ron told me he’ll have news for me
shortly, so I was letting down my guard. I don’t know if that obvious mistake
played into your convenience store scenario, because, quite honestly, I don’t
believe there is any way I could be *that* careless and…well…dumb. Even the
thought of *you* can’t get me to act carelessly. I value my life, and I’d like
it as an old man, not a dead agent.”
He
sighed and thought carefully about what he was going to say next. This was a
road he’d been down before, and he hoped this time would be different.
“You do
realize that, implausible scenarios such as this one aside, there is always the
risk I won’t come home from work one day? I am who I am and this job is one
that I love. But there is a very real risk in my job. Between my days in the
Chicago PD and here at the Service, I’ve had a couple of relationships I would
have liked to pursue, but they couldn’t take the uncertainty. People enter
serious relationships with the intent of growing old together. That’s my goal,
but I can’t guarantee it will happen.”
CJ
looked at him, speechless, for a long moment. Then she said, “Did I ever accuse
you of being *quiet*? You just gave me a whole speech!”
“Please
don’t change the subject, CJ. This is important to me.”
She
nodded quietly, and said: “I don’t want to be away from you. I think I’m
realistic about the risks involved with your job. I’d worry about you and I’ll
cope. I promise not to let the worrying get in the way of our relationship.”
“Good,”
he said happily, “I guess we won’t have to worry about this aspect of my job
complicating things.”
“Well,
considering the way we started this relationship, how can things
possibly
get more complicated? “
“I
could be assigned to Governor Ritchie’s security detail.”
Ch. 3
Three weeks after New York CJ Cregg
snuck out of work early and headed to the Treasury Building. Simon said he was
going to be in the shooting range after work, and she wanted to surprise him
there, hoping to drag him out for a romantic dinner. When she reached the range
she was surprised to see him with Anthony, giving the kid shooting lessons. She
stood and watched for a while, enjoying the sight. From the few times she saw
them together, she had come to know how important Anthony was to Simon, and was
touched by the way Anthony looked up to his Big Brother, friend and mentor. It
was obvious Simon was a father figure to Anthony, and that he enjoyed his role
immensely.
CJ
stepped into Simon’s line of sight and his face broke into a happy smile.
“Hey
stranger, what are you doing out so early?”
“Thought
I’d play hooky and tempt you with dinner, but I didn’t realize you guys had
plans,” CJ smiled, nodding to Anthony, who nodded back shyly.
Simon
chuckled. “Kid has to go home and do homework. He knows that. The deal was till
6, which it is in five minutes.” He turned to Anthony, grinning, “Let’s finish
up, mischief-maker. I got plans for tonight.”
“Well,
at least one of us is going to have some fun!”
Simon
tried to look menacing, failed spectacularly, and settled for cuffing the young
man. “Let’s go before you really get me – or yourself – into trouble.”
After
they dropped Anthony at home, CJ looked at Simon as he started driving towards
her place.
“You’re
teaching him how to shoot?”
“I’m
teaching him all about firearms, not just how to shoot. He either
learns
it from me or from the guys in his neighborhood. Which do you think is
healthier for him?”
CJ said
softly, “You’re really good at this Big Brother thing, aren’t you?”
“I like
it. I hate to see good kids waste their lives. I saw too much of it in Chicago
and always wished I could do something about it. With Anthony, I can. He’s a
great kid.”
CJ
shook her head. “I keep finding new sides of you.” She smiled, “You have as
many layers as an onion. Except peeling yours is more fun – you don’t make me
cry.”
Simon
laughed so hard he almost drove off the road. Correcting swiftly, he continued
to chuckle for a few more seconds before becoming contemplative.
CJ
looked at him curiously. “For someone who almost literally died laughing just
now you sure sobered up fast…”
“Oh…”he
sighed, “I just hope you’ll never reach a day where there are no more layers to
peel, and you find yourself stuck with no surprises in store and a ‘me’ that’s
all too predictable and familiar.”
“I
think you’re taking my metaphor a bit too literally, my friend. I doubt either
one of us can ever be as uncomplicated as a peeled onion.”
He
smiled at her, and she ran her fingers through his hair, an affectionate
gesture that they both enjoyed immensely.
“Where
are we going?” She asked.
“Your
place. I snuck in some groceries on my lunch hour. I was going to have dinner
ready for you when you came home.”
She was
touched, and happy. Nothing, she thought, was going to ruin this evening.
“You
what???” CJ looked at Simon in disbelief. “Please tell me you’re
joking!”
Simon
continued making the dinner salad, a patient, bemused smile on his face. “I
didn’t exactly have a choice, CJ. One of the agents that would have been
assigned to Governor Ritchie was involved in a serious car accident. She’ll be
OK, but in no shape to be on the detail starting July. Since Bronski was
caught, I was a…” He chuckled, “’Free Agent’, as it were,” CJ snorted, “and I
was nabbed for Governor Ritchie’s detail.”
CJ briefly
considered telling Simon how much she hated when he referred to her stalker by
name. Then she decided to postpone that particular discussion for some other
time. There were more pressing matters.
“Do you
have any idea what the gang at work will do to me, once they find out? Not to
mention the press! C’mon, Simon, there must be some Ritchie supporters in the
Secret Service!”
Simon
put the knife down and looked up.
“Agents
don’t take sides, CJ. If you think about it, the possible
ramifications
of surrounding a political candidate with armed supporters are rather chilling,
wouldn’t you agree?”
CJ
considered that for a moment, and had to admit, grudgingly, that Simon had a
point. Still…”I thought field office agents protected candidates!”
“They
do, most of the time, as a rule. Look, CJ, they were in a bind and I had no
reason to refuse the assignment. No acceptable reason,” he added quickly,
seeing the look on her face.
Simon
went on, voice dripping with sarcasm,” You can always tell the press, if it’s
any of their business, that ours is a relationship that exemplifies the beauty
of democracy in this country. You are the incumbent’s Press Secretary and I
protect his opponent, and together we ensure ‘an informative and safe
presidential race.’”
CJ
thought she actually heard her jaw hit the floor. Recovering quickly, she
managed to say, “It’s a good thing you like your job. That way Toby and Sam
don’t have to worry about theirs.”
Simon
laughed. “Another onion layer. And Anthony said I was slow-witted!”
CJ felt
apprehensive going to wok the next day. She knew she should tell Leo about this
turn of events, and was not looking forward to this conversation.
“Leo,
do you have a moment?”
“Sure,
Come in.”
CJ
started hesitantly. “You know Simon Donovan and I are…”
“Together.
I sent you to him, after the play, remember? And I’m very happy for you.”
“Yes,
well, we have a problem. Simon’s been assigned to Ritchie’s detail.”
Leo
chuckled. “I hope you didn’t throw things at him. It wasn’t his fault, you
know.”
CJ
smiled weekly. “He was making salad. He had a knife. I didn’t dare throw
things. Seriously Leo, the press, for one, is going to have a field day…”
“And
we’ll deal with it if it comes."
CJ took
a deep breath. “Leo, remember what Kevin Kahn did to Sam, his
friend?
I’m worried about leaks out of the Ritchie campaign being blamed on my
relationship with Simon. I wouldn’t put it past them to try and frame…”
“They’d
have to be even stupider than we give them credit for to try
something
like that. For God’s sake, CJ, he’s Secret Service. They wouldn’t dare!”
“And if
they do?”
“Then
we’ll have a lot of fun with our response. Look, the situation might be
complicated, but not nearly as complicated as your lives our going to be with
the campaigns running in different places at the same time. Better take some
time off now so you’ll remember what he looks like between July and November,
because I don’t think you’ll see each other much then.”
“How
can I take time off now when our campaign is going into high gear and we’re
still trying to…you know…run a country? Not to mention the situation with
Qumar…”
“You
know CJ, most of the time I agree with people that our personal lives must take
a back seat to the work we do here. Hell, I lost Jenny this way. But any guy
that took your bitching when he was guarding you and stuck around long enough
to have you fall madly in love with him deserves some help. Take some time off.
I’ll pull some strings and get him the same. I like the glow on your face these
past few weeks. It looks good on TV. And I admire the guy for breaking through
your defenses. Go have a good time before the bad ones start rolling.”
CJ
coked her head and looked at Leo, a mixture of emotions on her face. “I’m not
entirely sure that everything you said was a compliment, but I’ll take the good
with the bad and thank you.”
“You’re
welcome. Just remember it was all meant in the most loving way. And remember
also that just because we stand behind you in public doesn’t mean we won’t
torment the hell out of you in private.”
“In the
most loving way, I’m sure.”
“Absolutely.”
CJ left
the office feeling almost light-headed.
Ch. 4
July felt unbearably long to CJ and
Simon. He flew down to Florida to head Governor Ritchie’s detail after five
glorious days with CJ. It wasn’t until the last day of their vacation that he
dared to tell her he’d been tapped to head Ritchie’s security, a considerable
promotion for him. This time, she did throw things at him, mostly articles of
clothing that he busily removed from her body. Lovemaking was still fun,
though, as it always have been for them.
Whenever
they found themselves within reasonable geographical distance, CJ and Simon did
their best to steal some hours alone halfway between their locations. It wasn’t
much, though, and the prospect of 120 days mostly apart was truly depressing.
Simon, being true to form, refused to discuss any aspects of his work on
Ritchie’s campaign, and CJ had to agree it was the best way to handle their
awkward situation. But he was often moody and depressed, and she worried if
their relationship could survive the pressures of their respective positions on
opposing campaigns.
In
early August Governor Ritchie was slated to give a speech in Miami,
weighing
in on gun control. The senior staff, knowing a response would be required,
decided to watch in the communications bullpen. Leo and the President were in a
meeting, so Toby, Sam, and Josh were taking notes while CJ was watching the
screen, hoping to catch a glimpse of Simon, half listening to Ritchie’s
introductory remarks. The commotion that started at the back of the auditorium
at first went unnoticed by the four watching, and then all hell broke lose.
CJ
caught sight of Simon, gun drawn, racing in front of the podium and
taking
aim. The gun blast that sent him crashing backward into the podium came a
heartbeat before someone in the bullpen screamed his name, and it took CJ
several minutes before she realized the scream came from her. By then, she was
in her office, with Josh’s arms holding her tightly, and she was hysterically
asking for someone, anyone, to find out what happened, and if Simon were alive.
Sam and Toby, of course, were already screaming into phones, and in what seemed
like an instant, Ron Butterfield was at CJ’s side, as were the President and
Leo.
“This
isn’t happening,” she cried. “Oh, God, please tell me this isn’t
happening.
This is just another nightmare I’m having, like in New York!”
“CJ,”
The President’s strong, calm voice cut through her hysteria, “we’re not really
sure what’s happening yet. Ron will find out any minute. Hard as it is, we have
to hang in here for a while longer…” He looked at Ron, who was listening to his
earpiece, face grave. Butterfield turned to CJ and said softly, “We have three
agents down, condition unknown. Simon is one of them. May I use your phone?”
CJ’s
face was gray, and when she couldn’t respond, the President jerked his head in
the direction of CJ’s desk. Ron walked over to dial.
There
was roaring in CJ’s ears, the words kept repeating in her head:
“…agents
down, condition unknown. Simon is one of them.” And Simon’s voice, that night
in New York, “…there is always the risk I won’t come home from work one day.”
Please,
she thought desperately, oh please, Simon, you’ve got to come home, I love you.
And for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid to feel this way…
Ron was
off the phone now. How long has it been? CJ looked at him
apprehensively.
His face did not bode well.
“He’s
being taken to Ryder Trauma Center. He was hit in the chest,
unconscious,
but is breathing on his own so far…”
CJ
stopped listening. Through the following quick conference between the
President, Ron, and Leo, she kept replaying a scene in her mind, one from last
month, when the Ritchie campaign stopped in Norfolk, VA...
Remarkably,
she was in D.C. at the time, and, even more remarkably, Simon managed to get
time off. They met in Colonial Williamsburg, because it was a good compromise,
and because the place seemed more romantic to them than any other spot along
the way. They walked around, ducked into the old fashioned stores, and had
lunch outside in a sun-drenched courtyard. Afterwards, they sat on a bench and
people-watched for a while in comfortable silence.
“Are
you ever afraid you’ll die on the job?”
Simon
looked at her in surprise, the question having come completely from left field.
Then he shook his head. “If I were I wouldn’t be an effective agent. I do know
that after Rosslyn, when I came off the adrenalin rush, I was relieved to find
myself still standing. But I don’t walk around worrying about what the day
might bring.”
She bit
her lip. “Do you figure when it’s your time, it’s your time?”
He
pondered that. “It’s more of a conviction that what I’m doing is right, and
worth the price, though I hope I never have to pay it.”
CJ laid
her head on his shoulder and tightened her arms around his waist.
“What
was your first thought after Rosslyn, when…you know…you guys were
done?”
He
leaned his head back and sighed. “We weren’t done for a while. There was a hell
of a mop up operation after the shooting was done, and we had to gather
evidence…and all the time I worried about my parents, actually.”
She
looked up, surprised. “Your parents?”
Simon
nodded. “Well, they’re in their late seventies, and they have this nightly
ritual of watching the news on several stations, for the better part of the
evening. Keeps them talking about current events, you know. They say it keeps
their minds sharp,” he smiled gently, and CJ could sense his love for his
parents. Then his smile vanished and he continued, “So I knew there was no way
they missed the shooting. They also knew I was on Eagle’s protection detail. I
knew they’d put two and two together, and they’re not young, as I said…”
CJ
touched his face gently. “What happened?”
“Oh,”
Simon sighed, “I finally got to call home. My mom answered, I said ‘Ma, it’s
me, I’m okay.’ And she started to cry.”
“And
your dad?”
“When
she finally let him know hers were happy tears, he snatched up the phone and
informed me in his best tough-guy manner that he was proud of me. I didn’t find
out until later, when I talked to my sister, that he’d been having chest pains
the whole evening, but refused to go anywhere until he found out if I were
alright. It was the only time in my life I wondered if my job was worth it.
Between my dad and shooting a 15 year-old…”
“And
what convinced you again?”
“My dad
died a few months later. In his possessions I found a letter he
wrote
me the day after Rosslyn, when he already knew I was all right. Not sure why he
never sent it. Among other things, he talked about his fears that evening, and
his conviction in the rightness of what I was doing…a lot of thought went into
this letter. It was as if he was trying to untangle his own mind, trying to
resolve the conflict between worrying about me and knowing I’m where I should
be, and happy with it…”
“CJ?”
She
snapped back to reality. Leo was looking at her. Josh was rubbing her back,
while Toby glared at him and held CJ’s hand. Leo spoke again.
“Toby
will take you back to your place so you can pack. Then he’ll drive you to the
airport. Your flight leaves in two hours, and an agent will meet you in Miami
and take you to the hospital.”
“I can
fly with…”
“No,
Toby, that’s OK. I appreciate everything, but I need to be alone on the plane.”
CJ wiped her eyes. She had to get herself together, for Simon’s sake. She
looked around at her friends, her throat tightening. “You are the most amazing
group of people…” She faltered, lifted her chin. “Thank you.”
In the
car, on the way to the airport, CJ stopped Toby from flipping past a news
station that talked about the shooting. Governor Ritchie was asked for his
response. “Crime. Boy I don’t know.” He offered. Toby let out a series of
expletives that would have stunned CJ had she been listening. Oddly, she felt
sorry for Ritchie’s press secretary, who had to butt in and clarify that
Governor Ritchie was of course appalled…extremely grateful to his Secret
Service agents…wishes a speedy recovery…condolences…”What?” CJ’s head snapped
in Toby’s direction. “Why?”
“It
wasn’t Simon,” said Toby.
“How do
you know?” she was desperate.
“Leo
called my cell when you were packing. We thought it best you didn’t know, but
one of the agents died at the scene. Not Simon.”
Toby
expected CJ to come back with a biting remark about the stupidity of trying to
coddle her. When none was forthcoming, his concern for her
increased
ten folds. She went back to her nearly catatonic state, staring straight ahead
in stunned silence, not noticing the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks.
His
cell phone rang.
He
listened to the voice on the other side, inserting a “Yes, Sir” every once in a
while and ending with, “Thank you, Sir. CJ will appreciate that.”
“CJ?”
He asked tentatively.
She
turned her head slowly, looking at him with apprehension.
“The
President has a message for you. He said ‘Tell CJ that in the future, if she
ever wonders, ‘Crime. Boy I don’t know’ is when I decided to kick Ritchie’s
butt.’”
CJ
almost smiled.
Ch. 5
She
opened her eyes and lay motionless, as she did so many mornings before,
drinking in the sight of him. Though blind as a bat without contacts or
glasses, he was lying close enough to her that she could see his peaceful
sleeping face. The color was back in those cheeks that were pale even a month
ago. His breathing was quiet and regular, no machine to do it for him, no
painful gasps when the tube was out. He was Simon; he was back with her, and he
was almost completely recovered. The only reminders of the injuries he suffered
protecting Governor Ritchie was the slight tenderness that still remained on
his left side, and of course the scar that ran down his chest. The scar was a
constant reminder of the bullet that nicked his heart and collapsed his lung.
Two months after returning from Miami, following a four-week hospital stay (the
wound get infected, than his lung collapsed again), Simon was pretty much back
to what most people would call normal. Of course, as a Secret Service agent, he
still had some ways to go before he could return to active duty…
Being
Simon, he was determined to make a complete recovery in half the time he was
given by the Service.
“WHY???”
spat CJ, when he first started pushing himself.
“I
want my life back,” he answered evenly.
“You
nearly died. You think maybe you could…I don’t know…savor the time we have now
before going back to trying to make me a widow?”
Simon
raised an eyebrow while CJ stopped and gasped. Where had that come from? She
was terrified of the idea of marriage, even to Simon. Knowing CJ as well as he
did, Simon never broached this subject, though he knew without a doubt she was
the one for him. He knew just as surely that CJ would bolt if he spoke the
M-word. He was biding his time and waiting for her to come to trust him enough
to discuss marriage. Now she stood in front of him looking like a deer caught
in the headlights. He started to say something, but she was quicker, and
angrier than before.
“Go
to hell!” she fled the room, afraid he might pursue the subject, even more
afraid that he might not. She slammed the bedroom door behind her, and he could
hear her cry. In the bedroom, CJ wanted to scream out her frustration. She
nearly lost him to a bullet. Was she going to lose him to her fear of
commitment? She couldn’t handle the added stress.
In
those first few weeks at home, they fought and cried, and whispered broken “I’m
sorrys.” As the weeks went by, and Simon’s health and strength returned, CJ’s
terror of losing him subsided enough to allow reason to return. His own anger,
guilt, and frustration eased as well, thanks in no small part to the psych guy
the Service assigned to him as a condition of his return to active duty. Simon
had to admit the guy knew what he was talking about, and even gave him some
good coping techniques to pass on to CJ. Ron Butterfield’s wife, Laura, called
CJ upon their return from Miami and offered herself as a one-woman support
group for “Significant Others of Secret Service agents.” Simon couldn’t even
begin to thank Ron for this. The senior agent just waved him off. “Just take
care of each other, will you?” he said gruffly. Simon swore they would.
Today,
CJ thought with a grin, we’ll…then she remembered what today was. Her loud
groan woke up her sleeping companion, and she bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean to wake you up.”
“Well,
now that you did, care to tell me what this is all about?” he asked good
naturedly.
“It’s
Election Day.”
His
expression neutral, he kept looking at her.
“I
could be out of a job tonight.”
“That’s
OK, I can support us,” he grinned, easily blocking the playful punch he knew
was coming.
CJ
sighed, fighting down actual nausea. She’s been having a lot of those lately.
These were just nerves before an election day that would be too close for
comfort, according to the polls. Even Joey Lucas was nervous. She turned her
head back to Simon.
“I’m
actually scared,” she whispered softly.
His
grin disappeared and he pulled her close. She settled near him, resting her
hand lightly over his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.
“You
guys ran a great campaign, CJ. I know this doesn’t help if you lose. I know
this fear isn’t about survival. You guys are probably the closest group of
people I’ve ever known who didn’t start out as family. I don’t think you’ll
lose your friends, but I know we’ll all lose something incredibly special if
Jed Bartlet doesn’t win today.”
He
paused, and continued: “And I know having to leave the campaign for a while
after I got shot makes this so much worse for you…”
“I
love my job,” she whispered. “I bitch about it and tell everyone I quit a
thousand times a month. But I really feel so right in it. And I want the chance to do more in this job. I want
four more years, Simon.”
“And
you like being big sister to The Boys,” he smiled.
She
chuckled. “Yes, it feeds my ego quite nicely, bossing them around, don’t you
think?”
Simon
laughed. Then he pulled her closer, kissing her hair lightly. “You’re good at
what you do, CJ,” he whispered. “You are all good at what you do. And
regardless of what happens today, you’ve all made a difference already, in many
people’s lives. But I know how you feel – there is so much more you can do, and
I don’t want this administration to lose.” He shuddered. “I’ve seen Ritchie and
his people up close…”
They
showered together. It wasn’t always about sex. Sometimes, especially after the
shooting, CJ just needed to be close to Simon. After the shooting, she wanted
to watch his body heal and grow stronger. Somehow, a shower together was
reassuring at those times, and Simon was happy to oblige. He enjoyed the
closeness. They chatted mindlessly as they got dressed, Simon doing his best to
distract CJ from her mounting anxiety. Then they set off to vote, taking
Simon’s car. Not that CJ gave in without a fight – she wanted to take her
convertible. Simon, however, said that feeling the wind in his hair and
anywhere else he wanted was fine for May, but he wasn’t crazy about it in
November. CJ laughed, calling him a liar, knowing he couldn’t care less about
the wind, but just wanted his life back, including the privilege of driving his
girlfriend around in his own car.
CJ
settled back with a happy smile. Simon glanced at her and his grin softened
into the smile she loved so much, the one that was reserved only for her, and
told her how loved she was. It was a very long campaign, filled with pain and
anxiety, and they were both happy it was over.
After
voting they went to her office, where she briefed the press, and got on the
phone with Leo in New Hampshire (“he’s in an awful mood, CJ. Thank your lucky
stars you’re not here today.”) By one o’clock she set off to a last minute
campaign appearance at the Hilton. They
were met at the entrance by the usual “press mass,” as CJ sometimes called
them. As she worked the press, CJ glanced over at Simon, exchanging a few words
with one of the on-duty agents securing the hotel entrance. She was amused to
see him fall into his agent mode, eyes scanning the crowd and the surrounding
buildings, his gaze alert, face impassive. As she finally turned away to join
him, she chuckled as they entered the hotel.
“Is
it catching or did you get some alarming information from the agent at the
door?”
“Is
what catching?”
“Being
an agent. You do have the day off today, you know.”
“Oh
that. It might give you a big head, but you were out there in an official
capacity and it brings out the agent in me. I want to make sure you’re safe.”
CJ
stopped and looked at him, suddenly touched.
“Thank
you.”
“Don’t.”
“Can
I say I love you?”
“Always.
Just make sure I know it’s not only when I’m your bodyguard.”
“I
always love you, you idiot. Not only when you’re my bodyguard. I didn’t even know
you were being my bodyguard sometimes and….”
“CJ?”
Simon interrupted.
“We
should get up there?”
“Probably.”
“I
love you.”
“I
love you too, CJ. Always.”
They
met back at Josh’s place – CJ, Simon, Toby, and Donna. Sam and Ainsley were
already there when they arrived. As they entered Sam looked at Simon and cried
in mock horror: “Hey, who let the Ritchie people in here?”
CJ
looked pointedly at Ainslie, snuggled in Sam’s embrace on the couch, and asked,
“Who let a Republican by choice in here?”
“I
work for the President!” Ainsley protested.
“Did
you vote for him today?”
“The
question is unconstitutional…but as a matter of fact, I did.”
The
room fell quite as every eye turned to her.
“You
voted for President Bartlet?” asked Josh. “Should I call a doctor? Do you think
it’s terminal?”
Sam
tried to say something, but CJ kicked him. “Quiet, I want to hear this one!”
“It
was a simple matter of looking at the candidates and what they had to offer. I
think for myself, you know. I certainly don’t like the Republican candidate, or
where he’s taking the party. I would, however, greatly appreciate it if this
statement never left the room.”
Josh
looked out his window and turned to CJ with an evil grin. “There’s, like, a
whole bunch of reporters down there, mi amore. Think you should brief them?”
CJ,
eyes gleaming, started for the door and Ainsley shrieked. Simon cracked up,
Donna hit Josh, and CJ burst out laughing, opening the door when a knock came
from outside. Carol and Ginger stepped in, with Carol asking, “What did we
miss?”
It
was a long day that stretched into a long evening. Tired as they all were, they
were grateful to be with each other, especially as Leo’s updates from New
Hampshire grew grumpier by the hour. When the first polling results started
showing up, the tension in the apartment grew thick. Sam and Toby decided the
best coping mechanism was unbridled optimism. They retired to Josh’s guest room
and started drafting CJ’s victory statement to the press. Simon found himself
massaging CJ’s tense neck and shoulders so often his arms actually started to
hurt.
By
half past midnight the trend was becoming apparent with the West Coast results
trickling in and more of the East and Central states going with Bartlet than anyone
expected. CJ’s cell phone rang at 1am and everyone fell quiet, holding his or
her breath. This should be it.
“CJ
Cregg.”
“CJ,
Jed Bartlet here. How are you?”
“I’m…nervous,
Mr. President. How are you?” From the corner of her eye, she say Josh bring out
Champagne, poised to open the bottle.
“I’m
done being nervous CJ. I just got off the phone with the Governor of Florida.”
“And
he said?”
“He
said, and I quote the nice part only: ‘Congratulation, Mr. President Elect.’”
CJ
remembered to hold the phone away from her as she let out a scream of ecstasy,
recovered quickly and nodded to Josh with a huge grin. The room erupted as
Champagne started flowing, and CJ had to go in the other room to finish the
call. Toby handed her the statement he and Sam drafted. She ran it by the
President and added some details. When she hung up, Simon was there, his grin
huge, arms outstretched. As Toby slipped quietly away, CJ found herself crying
in Simon’s arms. They were wonderful tears.
After
the party, the statement to the press, and phone calls all around, CJ and Simon
finally drove home. She sat on the steps looking up at the dawn breaking. He
sat next to her, arm around her shoulder, as she tiredly rested her head
against him.
“This
is where I always want to be,” she whispered.
“This
is where I always want us to be,” he answered.
“Simon,
what happened to the girl who confused independence and freedom with no
commitment, no strings attached?”
His
heart leaped. “Maybe we left her in Miami?”
She
remembered the terror of the weeks in the hospital, realizing with a shudder
how close she came to losing everything that was right about her life. He was
the first man who wasn’t threatened by her strength and independence, and so he
was also the first one she trusted enough to see how vulnerable she sometimes
felt. He didn’t want her to change; he simply wanted to be able to be there for
her, with her, no matter what.
He
looked down at her thoughtful expression. “CJ?”
“Mmmm…I
think we did leave her there.”
“So…does
that mean that the girl who came back from
Heart
beating wildly in his chest, he reached into his coat pocket and took out the
ring he’s been carrying for the past three weeks. The timing never seemed
right, until this moment.
CJ
sat up straight, gasping as the diamond reflected tiny rays of light in all
directions. It was set in a heart of small sapphires, an exquisite ring more
beautiful than her sweetest fantasies. She started to cry.
“You
know you really scare me sometimes, don’t you?” he said tentatively. “I can’t
tell if this is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ reaction.”
“Yes.
It’s a ‘yes.’ Even if I scare myself
to death sometimes, it’s a definite YES!” she was laughing and crying at the
same time, and he kissed her tears and the rest of her face, ending with her
lips and not coming up for air for a long time. Both of his lungs were just
fine, he though smugly as they finally broke off.
There
were tears in his eyes as hers still trickled silently down her cheeks. And
looking over the tops of the building, he said softly, “Look, CJ, it’s a brand
new day.”
Every
evening
Brings
an ending
Every
day becomes a legacy
CJ
wished her father were still alive to see this day, though in his last year his
mind wandered so far she doubted the day would have held any meaning for him if
he were there. His death from a stroke last June (at least it wasn’t May, she
often thought) came almost as a relief. At that point he still remembered who
she was, though he kept asking her about classes at
Every
sunset
Leads
to morning
With
the promise of opportunity
It
was near morning when Simon gave her the ring, the day after the election.
Sitting on the front steps of her apartment building, she thought about how
close she came to losing him in
We
can reach for the stars we find along the way
Dreaming
as we learn to love everyday
Promise
you will take my hand
As
tomorrow comes
We’ll
go on
He
went back to security details, because that was who he was. Owing to their
relationship, he could no longer be on the President’s detail, and that was
sacrifice enough for him. She would never ask him to deny himself the job he
loved, no matter how scared she was.
We’ll
go on
Growing
closer through the years
Moving
on
Through
the good times and the tears
Ever
on
Another
thousand circles ‘round the sun
If
two can be as one
We’ll
go on
CJ
floated in Simon’s arms as they were dancing their wedding song. Her eyes
closed, she was aware only of his body against hers, and the music seemed to
fill not only the Rose Garden but her very soul as well. Not for the first time
that day, she felt a lump in her throat and the tears threatened to flow. This
day was everything she’s ever dreamed of, and more.
There
is music
If
you listen
In
the rhythm of each breath we take
Her
gown was white silk with a silvery lace layer on top, shimmering in the bright
May sun. Held tightly in Simon’s arms, the gown seemed to caress her the way his
hands often did, and she could feel his heart beat, blending with the music, as
she pressed closer to him.
Destinations
Undiscovered
Revelations
from every choice we make
It
was May, because the previous May was when the stalker was caught and they went
out for drinks after the play in
“Well,
we started breaking it last year,” he said with a smile when she brought up the
idea.
“Yes,
but let’s make it happen for everyone here.” She said and he kissed her and
agreed that May was perfect.
And
I know
There
are diamonds dancin’ in the sky
All
we have to do is open our eyes
At
the first Senior Staff meeting after the election, CJ reached for her favorite
cream cheese Danish, the light reflecting off the diamond on her finger and
Josh choked on his coffee. Leo, mid-sentence, looked at him, annoyed.
“Josh,
surely you’ve learned to drink from a cup by now!”
“Leo,
there’s a…thing…on CJ’s finger…”
“What?”
CJ
looked at Josh in disbelief and then started laughing until tears streamed down
her cheeks. “It’s called an engagement ring, Josh. Surely you’ve heard of it
before?” That day, the enthusiastic and loving response that followed her
announcement felt like a warm embrace that stayed with her all day. Even the White House reporters, catching a
glimpse of the ring during her morning briefing, went out of their way to offer
their congratulations, though they all managed to sneak in some good-natured
teasing about her Special Agent’s special qualities. She went home that night
unable to stop smiling, and Simon’s mood matched her own. Some of his
co-workers caught her briefing on TV and put him through all sorts of friendly
hell. That night, they both declared themselves the happiest people on the
planet. It was then they decided on May for their wedding.
Promise
We’ll
walk side by side
As
a new day dawns
We’ll
go on
On
Inauguration Day, when they were all back at the White House following the
ceremony, the President called CJ to his office.
“CJ,
do you like the Rose Garden?”
“Sir?”
“Do
you like the Rose Garden? Does it seem like a nice place to have a wedding?”
“Whose
wedding, Sir?”
He
gave her a look and she suddenly had to sit down. Remembering protocol, she
contended herself with leaning heavily against the chair she stood next to.
“Mr.
President…I couldn’t…I mean, we would love to but…it’s usually for First Family
weddings.”
“And
how does your wedding NOT fit into this category?”
Now
she was fighting back tears, unable to answer – a rare occurrence for her. He
smiled softly and said, “If you have a date in mind, clear the Garden with
whomever you need to clear it with. Make sure you tell them this event takes
precedence over anything else scheduled for that day, and to deal with it.”
She
didn’t think it would be possible on such short notice – barely five months
away, with bill signings and summits galore planned for the Spring / Summer.
But it was done with ease, and she suspected either Leo or the President leaned
on some people to move events around and get her the Rose Garden for
We’ll
go on
Growing
closer through the years
Moving
on
Through
the good times and the tears
“The
Rose Garden???” Simon looked at her in disbelief. They had booked a place
already, shortly after their engagement. He stopped by her office later on
Inauguration Day, after her talk with the President, and found her flushed with
excitement. Trying to contain himself, he opted for gruffness. “Do you have any
idea what our guests would have to go through to be here? Not to mention what
my co-workers will do to me for putting them through vetting all these guests?”
“Would
you like to be the one telling the President ‘Thanks but no thanks’?”
He
smiled softly and shook his head in disbelief. “I’m just in shock. It’ll pass.”
Ever
on
Another
thousand circles ‘round the sun
CJ
was a bundle of nerves as the date grew nearer. She was somehow able to do her
job, though in her perfectionist mind her performance was less than
satisfactory. She chose Hogan as her Maid of Honor. Simon’s brother Andrew
would be the Best Man. The caterer and photographer were set. The gown ordered.
The music set. She was immensely grateful for Donna and Carol’s help. They
threw themselves into the preparation as enthusiastically as if this were their
own wedding. It wasn’t lost on CJ that Josh eased Donna’s schedule enough to
allow her the extra time to help with the wedding.
“I
know what you’re doing. Thanks, Josh,” she said one morning, stopping by his
office after her briefing.
“It
gets Donna off my back. You know, she keeps nagging me about the Healthcare
Bill. Something about her grandfather…” Then he gave her the Dimpled Grin.
“Besides, I plan to ask you to do the Jackal at the wedding. And you can’t say
no. That and a dance,” he added.
“You
would have had the dance anyway,” she laughed, and then her face softened. “You
really are very sweet sometimes, you know.”
“Yeah,
well, don’t spread the word.”
At
the wedding, she gave him two dances, and the Jackal, which rendered Simon’s
off-duty male comrades nearly catatonic. Come to think of it, even Ron
Butterfield, very much on duty, seemed close to a heart attack. CJ grinned at
Simon’s appreciative catcalls, and his murderous looks at the other agents
making the same noises.
“Double
standard?” she asked sweetly when he folded her in his arms.
“Hey,
you’re my wife!”
She
grinned. “You can’t tell me you’ll never again enjoy that kind of a performance
by another woman, can you?”
Laughing,
he raised his arms in a gesture of surrender. “Uncle. You win.”
She
danced with Toby, who, to her delight, came with Andi. She danced with Sam
while Simon danced with Ainsley, and she danced with the President, who earlier
walked her down the aisle. The First Lady danced with Simon, and refused to
give him back.
“He’s
a better dancer than Jed,” she grinned. “I think I’ll keep him.”
“You
danced with him at the Inaugural Ball,” protested her husband. “You didn’t say
anything then!”
“I
had my suspicions. I needed to confirm them today.”
Before
the cake cutting ceremony, she told Simon she would kick his butt from here to the
top of the
“Remind
me again why I trusted you with my life?”
“You
had no choice.”
“But
I do now.”
“And…?”
“And
if you smear cake on my face I’ll kick your butt from here to the top of the
Washington Monument. But I would still trust you with my life.”
He
didn’t smear cake on her face.
Donna
caught the bouquet, so Simon made sure the garter was aimed at Josh. “Secret
Service training comes in handy at the most unexpected times,” he quipped as CJ
gave him the thumbs up sign. She made sure the photographer caught the
reluctant couple’s flushed faces as Josh pushed the garter up Donna’s leg. CJ
promised Josh to pass copies of the pictures to the press if he didn’t pay
Donna more attention for the rest of the afternoon. Apparently the threat
worked, because the two spent the entire afternoon dancing and chatting with
each other. Ainsley and Sam needed no such threats.
Hogan
danced with Anthony for seemingly the whole day.
“I
want a picture of these two,” CJ smiled.
“That’s
one for the books, for sure,” Simon smiled in reply.
There
were many pictures for the books that day. Group pictures, pictures of
individuals, and couples pictures. None of these pictured rivaled the one
candid shot of a radiant bride looking up at her ecstatic groom, their smiles
bright, and their eyes speaking of the deepest love that was strong enough to
break “The Curse of May.”
A
new life has begun
When
two of us are one
And
we live to keep the promise
We’ll
go on
Ever
on
We’ll
go on
The song Promise - From: Walt Disney
World Resort's "Millenium Celebration" - Written by: Gavin Greenaway
and Don Dorsey - © 1999